She's The Tear In My Heart
by Is-there-somewhere-x
Summary: What if, instead of Fran with the tragic past, it was Zosia. Will Jac and Zosia's already unpredictable relationship be tested to the limit, or will events bring the pair closer together? An alternative take on the Series 18 episode "Blue Christmas". Loosely based on the Twenty One Pilots song. Warning: I'm a Zollie shipper myself and love this idea, but some others may not!
1. Chapter 1

**I'm back with a new story, and yes a Holby one this time! As some of you may know I ship Jac and Zosia like crazy (although I will ship Jac with anyone she lays her eyes on) but I had this idea and simply couldn't let it go. I'm sorry if this first chapter is a bit boring but it's sort of an introduction to the story and what's to come! Anyway, I hope people enjoy this, here we go :) x**

"Deep breaths Zosia, it's just another day at work,"

Zosia stood in front of her bedroom mirror trying to ease her nerves. She was about to go in for her first shift on Darwin, and well, to say she was nervous would be an understatement. Every single day working as a doctor would bring a new challenge, but this day would bring that new challenge on a new ward. New ward, new people, a new challenge and even some new scrubs! That was a lot of new stuff for one day!

To make things even more daunting, she didn't know anyone on the ward personally. In fact, all she knew was the name of her consultant - Ms Jac Naylor. Now if she hadn't heard of Jac Naylor, it would have been quite an achievement, considering the woman's name was on the lips of practically every staff member in the hospital, whether it be gossip, admiration or fear of the formidable lady, and from what she had heard it was most likely the last one people were talking about. She knew that working under Ms Naylor would be far from the comfort of her previous mentor, the teddy bear like Sacha Levy. Not to mention the fact that she would be without her 2 best friends, Arthur and Dom.

Well, she thought, that was all in the past now. There was really no point being so needlessly negative about this, after all, how bad could she _really_ be?

"What the hell do you think you're doing? You idiot!" A nurse scurried off in floods of tears as an irritated voice echoed around the room.

Zosia nervously took a step towards the shouting woman.

"Sorry to bother you, but do you know where I can find the locker room?"

The woman turned round with a less than impressed expression on her face.

"Erm, last time I looked, I didn't recall having the words 'personal gps' written across my forehead!" she replied, folding her arms with an even more irritated expression on her face.

"I never said you did?" Zosia was very confused, all she had done was ask a simple question, but then she glanced down to the woman's ID badge.

Shit.

She turned and began to walk in the other direction immediately, maybe it was a better for her to find the room herself, after all she'd have to get to know her way round fairly quickly and this would help her gather her bearings.

A few minutes later and the nervous young doctor was changed into her brand new coloured scrubs. She had to admit, blue was a quite flattering colour on her. She tied her hair up in its usual bun and quickly re-applied some lip gloss before heading out on to the ward. Despite being slightly embarrassed about the awkward encounter with her new boss earlier, she was feeling more confident now. She was ready for fresh start and this could be exactly what she needed.

That's when she laid eyes on the woman again, and all those nervous feelings came rushing back.

"Ah, there you are Dr March - and, oh would you look at that? You're late, and you look exhausted. On your first day as well, not a great start,"

"N-no Ms Naylor, I'm sorry, I can assure you it won't happen again." Zosia didn't know what was happening to her, why on earth was she so nervous around Ms Naylor. For God's sake, even in her head she wouldn't let herself call her new boss by her first name

"Good. What are you waiting for then, follow me," Jac barked. She really hoped Zosia wouldn't be yet another unreliable junior, but the first signs of her behaviour weren't looking very good.

She lead the way towards one of the beds. Instinctively, Zosia picked up the patient's notes and started reading them. 30 year old male brought in by the paramdeics with intermittent chest pains, no history of any medical problems but a few heart problems running in the family.

"So Dr March, what would you suggest?" When she got no reply, Jac was somewhat annoyed.

"Is anyone at home?" she asked, waving her hands in front of Zosia's face as if to wake her from some sort of trance.

"S-sorry, I got caught up reading the patient's notes," Zosia replied.

"Fair enough, although I must say, I prefer my staff attentive and focused rather than those who go off into daydreams," Jac remarked, not able to resist the chance to make a sarcastic comment.

Zosia took a deep breath, she couldn't let that happen again. When she was on Keller, getting absorbed in patient notes wasn't a problem, Mr Levy saw it as simply enthusiasm and determination to help the patient, but Ms Naylor clearly didn't see it that way. Never mind, now was Zosia's chance to prove herself and she really didn't want to mess it up.

"Um, I'd suggest an ECG, Echo and maybe some blood tests too?" Zosia said hesitantly.

"Maybe? We can't afford maybes in this profession, surely you know that by now?" Jac asked.

"Y-yes of course, I was just making sure you were okay with my decision before I proceeded," she replied, walking away before she could be criticised any further.

What on earth is that woman's problem? Zosia thought she wasn't being very fair at all, but she was beginning to understand why Jac Naylor was so well known throughout the hospital.

"Don't take it personally, she's like that with everyone," a voice came from behind her. She turned round and was faced with a tall, young man dressed in the same scrubs as herself. She couldn't help but get lost in his piercing blue eyes, but looked away before it became awkward.

"Hi, I'm Ollie, and I'm guessing you're Zosia - is that right?" the man asked, a small smile creeping on to his face. He couldn't help but notice how attractive the woman stood in front of him was.

"Yes that's me," Zosia replied, blushing slightly. God, what sort of a person have I turned into, she thought to herself, blushing at every opportunity, a stuttering nervous wreck around my seniors, if only Diggers and Dom could see me now, they'd wonder if I'd had some sort of personality transplant!

"Well, hello and welcome to Darwin ward, I hope you enjoy your stay," he said, before turning and walking off in the other direction.

Zosia smiled to herself, she could certainly see herself being friends with him in the future. Suddenly she caught a glimpse of the time, she'd been gone quite a while now, in fact she couldn't even remember what she had been looking for in the first place.

Oh yes, the tests for her patient. She hoped Ms Naylor would be otherwise engaged by the time she got back to him, as she wasn't quite ready to face the full wrath of the senior doctor just yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the long wait for this next chapter - being back at school has literally turned me into a zombie and I keep meaning to update but forget! I've still got a definite pathway for this story and I'm really excited to get more written because I love writing Jac and Zosia as characters! Thank you for all the lovely reviews as well, they help me to keep going! :) xxx**

Finally, what felt like the longest and most stressful shift she'd ever had was over. Zosia crashed into the flat she shared with Digby and Dom, and flopped down onto the sofa without a second thought.

"OUCH!" came a cry from beneath her - it was Dom, having fallen asleep there only a few hours earlier.

"Oh my god sorry Dom, I should have thought before I did that," Zosia said, trying hard to stifle a giggle, but somewhat failing. Despite being so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open, it would have been very hard for her not to find this funny at all.

"Hey, it's not funny! That really hurt you know! I think I've broken something, I felt something painful," Dom said indignantly. He wasn't really as annoyed as he was making out, after all, he was still in such a good mood from his romantic evening with Lee last night. Zosia forced him to move to the other side of the sofa so she could sit beside him.

"That's because you've been lying on a baguette," she replied, now in fits of laughter.

"Noooooo! That was going to be my lunch earlier! Can we save it? It was Waitrose's own, you know how bloody expensive they are! You know I saw a chicken on sale in there for £15 once!" Dom said, seemingly outraged at the supermarket.

"Well, maybe you should eat before you sleep! And why are you shopping there in the first place? You don't strike me as a typical Waitrose customer," Zosia said.

Dom didn't answer, just looked at Zosia sheepishly. He really is one of a kind, she thought.

"Soooo.. come on, I want all the gossip, how was your first day in the glamourous world of cardiothoracics then?" Dom asked, having got over his crushed baguette incredibly quickly, but then again he couldn't resist the chance for some juicy gossip.

"Well, let's just say it's very different from Keller," Zosia replied, not wanting to reveal too much about her day, to be quite honest, she was rather embarrassed at how she'd acted in front of her new colleagues, Jac especially.

"Noooo! I want some _real_ gossip! I mean, I've heard they're all quite attractive up there. Apparently that charming, blue eyed Dr Valentine is definitely one to look out for," Dom said, that cheeky glint returning to his eyes.

"Oh yes, I talked to him,"

"Aaaand?"

"And nothing! He was very friendly, that's all." She could see why others would find the young doctor attractive, but didn't quite feel that way herself.

"Okay, whatever you say... What was it like coming face to face with the ginger ninja then?"

"Who?"

"Oh come on, ginger, cheekbones, tongue as sharp as knives?"

Zosia couldn't help but blush slightly at the description of Jac. It had brought back all of the memories and all of the embarrassment of the day.

"So you don't bat an eyelid when we're talking about the gorgeous Ollie Valentine but one mention of Jac Naylor and you're as red as a tomato? You'd think it was her you had a crush on!" Dom laughed at the thought.

"God no, the woman is a nightmare! I can't move one inch without her jumping down my throat, she clearly thinks I'm an idiot!" Zosia said. "And I don't have a crush on either of them!" Despite saying this, she did somewhat admire Jac, she wasn't really sure why, she just did. So maybe you could say she had a professional crush on the older lady.

"From what I've heard, she thinks everyone is an idiot. And I know for a fact she clashes with your dad, so if she knows about your relation to him, that's probably given her reason not to warm to you immediately," Dom said.

"Hmm, maybe," Zosia said, still convinced Jac just hated her for the sake of hating her. "Anyway, where's Digby, shouldn't he be home by now?"

Dom pause before whispering, "I don't want to start any rumours but I saw him looking pretty comfortable with Morven this morning,"

"Digby is never comfortable around anyone!" Zosia exclaimed. "And why are you whispering?"

"Yes that's my point," Dom said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Surely not?"

"He has been styling his hair differently recently and has been wearing contacts a few times, doesn't that ring any bells in your head?"

"Ah right," Zosia said, remembering she'd seen Digby leave the flat a few days ago.

Secretly, she was a little jealous of him, having found someone so quickly when she hadn't felt comfortable around anyone since it all went pear shaped with Jesse.

Then there was last Christmas when she kissed that agency nurse Sophia, it was still playing on her mind over a year later. She had no idea why she did it, it just felt right. She'd been blaming her bipolar for it, making her act impulsively, but that still didn't fully explain why she thought about it so often. She supposed it was a bit alarming because she'd gone through her whole life assuming she was straight, in fact she hadn't even given her sexuality a second thought until that moment, and then suddenly it had been all she could think about for months. Was the kiss just down to her head being a mess or did she actually have feelings for the nurse? Truth be told, she was glad the nurse disappeared off with Fleur Fanshawe before she had the chance to see her again, because it would definitely have made things worse. She came to the conclusion that it was late, she was just overthinking things once again.

Overthinking will be the death of me one of these days, she thought to herself, laughing slightly.

She looked at the time and released it was actually quite late, so she got up off the sofa, saying goodnight to Dom and going into her bedroom. She often found herself dreading the night time, especially sleeping in her bedroom which was a painful reminder of all she'd been through when her bipolar was at its worst, when the walls were covered in random bits of paper, drawings, research, but back then they weren't random. Every little bit had a link and it all made sense inside her head, but then others would read them and it would look like a different language entirely. Now they had all come down and been thrown in the bin, but there were still blu-tack marks covering the walls. It was almost a metaphor for her bipolar, the worst part had gone away but small parts would always be there. However she knew that it was likely that one day she could find herself back in that place she never wanted to revisit. This scared her. It really, truly terrified her.


End file.
